I Know Who Killed Me-Wish Someone had Burned the Negative to This Movie

1/2 * (out of 5)

The first five to 10 minutes were good, when the suspense was building over a potential serial killer preying on young women near this high school. Once Lindsay Lohan is grabbed and the torture begins the movie starts going downhill at a precipitous speed. The plot made no sense at all, something about Lindsay (playing Aubrey) not being the girl kidnapped but her body double, who the other Lindsay dreams about in her fiction. Believe me, it's not worth your time. I like Lohan, I think she can be a good actress, but she was given nothing to work with here and it's a tribute to her performance ability that she makes at least the first hour watchable. By the second hour I was counting down the minutes.

The Freditor

WALL-E: Sweet, Funny, Lovable. One of the three Best Pixar films

* * * * * (out of 5)

WALL-E is tied with Iron-Man for Best Movie of the Year, so far

(Equals Toy Story 2 and The Incredibles for Pixar Greatness)

Make sure you get to this movie early so you can see the hysterical opening cartoon--"Presto," about a mean magician and his magic rabbit.

Pixar scares me. The animated division of Walt Disney consistently makes some of the best cartoon movies of all time. It has never had a clunker in its 13 years of moviemaking. Even the films that fall short are still technically excellent. But I was nervous that they had lost a little something after Cars and Ratatouille. Both movies were fine, but left me feeling a little less than full. Like eating Chinese food.

Well, Pixar has come storming back with WALL-E. A beautiful, magical, funny, sweet, imaginative effort by the class of the business. From the man who wrote and directed Finding Nemo (Andrew Stanton) comes this little film with Huge ideas. WALL-E is a trash-compacting robot put on Earth for 700 years to clean up the atmosphere-killing mess we left behind. In the film, it is now about 2700 AD and man has left the planet for an unending cruise around the stars. It was supposed to be a 5-year mission for the cleaning robots--"Waste Allocation Load Lifter – Earth Class"; but it became a project too huge in scope to complete.

The opening sequence is both dark and moving, as the "camera" flies helicopter-style over the ruined cities, with its Venus-like atmosphere and daily dirty sand storms that punish the landscape. I worried a bit that the animation might be too much for children, but once WALL-E shows up the squalor seems less threatening. But even then the humor can be dark. When the camera shows a clear vision of the city you realize that some of the high-rise buildings we've been looking at are just towers of garbage made from the compacted blocks by WALL-E.

It seems that WALL-E is the last of his kind and only has a cockroach to keep him company. That and his huge treasure trove of toys. Whatever bits of garbage WALL-E finds that interest him get packed in his trusty Playmate cooler and come back with him to his storage container hideaway. WALL-E doesn't speak, so the gentle laughs come when he tries to figure out where a spork should go, with his collection of spoons or forks? He's intrigued by a fire extinguisher, but when it knocks him on his back he throws it high on the trash pile.

This sweet creature with the inquisitive mind, loves to watch romantic musicals and keeps a tape of Hello Dolly in his front compartment to play while he does his work. When he gets home he takes his tractor treads off to rest his tired wheels. I'd say the best way to describe him is part ET, part cute puppy and part Charlie Chaplin as the tramp. As with all Pixar efforts there is more Looney Tunes-type humor in this movie than classic Disney fun. But WALL-E's world is forever changed when he meets a modern probe sent down by the Floating Earth's mother ship. The machine's sleek design and the wondrous way it flies through the air during its missions at first scares and intrigues our hero, but when he notices some kindness in its decidedly feminine lazar eyes and her giggle when tickled by his roach, he falls in love. She's obviously way smarter than WALL-E, completing his Rubik's Cube before he has a chance to show her his next toy. And is as intrigued by the singing and dancing humans on the Hello Dolly video as he is. You are drawn in by this mechanical romance and cheer these two would-be lovers on. The movie removes you from your theatre seat and plants you in this less than Brave New World and doesn't let go until the final credits.

As amazing as the opening half hour is on earth, things really take off literally when WALL-E stows away on the probe's transport vessel back to the mother ship far into space. That's when we get to meet human beings circa 2700 and finally hear dialogue. The depiction of the future of the human race is both hysterical and dead-on. How we let the machines take over our lives is less 2001 or Terminator than just real life.

Funnyman Jeff Garlin, Larry David's sidekick from Curb Your Enthusiasm, plays the ship's easy-going captain. His voice is already animated so playing a cartoon character is a natural for him. Cheers' Cliff Claven, John Ratzenberger, is back as a secondary character in a Pixar film. He is the only actor who's appeared in all of them. And in a stroke of genius, Sigourney Weaver voices the ship's computer, turning the tables on her role as Ripley in the original Alien.

When judging a movie you always have to ask yourself, "Is there any way this movie could have been made better?" And the answer here is emphatically, "No!" If only all movie studios were as creative and entertaining as Pixar.

The Freditor

A Freditor Prediction--Love Guru will become stronger, faster

Prediction: Like the original Austin Powers, The Love Guru will find a second life on DVD. People will watch it for a second time (or a first time) and realize what fun it is. I'm already looking forward to the DVD, to see if my perception of the initial half hour changes after experiencing the whole thing. Just the idea of having a knob on a Voiceover Box that turns to Morgan Freeman's voice is genius.

The Freditor

Very suspenseful 7 minutes--Great Israeli short film

YouTube - strangers- short film

The Love Guru starts slow, But Picks Up Speed, Laughs and Points for Originality

* * * (out of 5)

I won't oversell this movie. It is not for everyone. Half the audience was cracking up and the other half were sitting silent. You have to be a Mike Myers fan and more importantly an Austin Powers fan to appreciate this film and its very silly humor. But my friend Harry and I are were part of the laughing half and we had a great time. We saw the "1 Star" reviews in all three New York tabloids, but except for a few critics, you can't trust reviewers when it comes to comedy. For those with short memories, the NY Daily News gave 2 Stars to Caddyshack, Airplane and The Jerk when they came out. It gave Stripes and Meatballs 1 1/2 Stars. Obviously all five are comedy classics. How's that for getting it wrong almost every time.

The first 15 minutes of The Love Guru are a little rough to get through. It's like watching an experimental comedian and he's just not catching on. Myers makes a joke about putting a penis on a table that thuds so bad, Harry and I looked at each other, like "Oh my god, what are we in for?" But once he meets the coach, played by Mini-Me's Verne Troyer, the jokes starts flying higher and landing much better.

Myers might be the most adventurous of all the great Saturday Night Live alumni. He makes his characters charming and silly at the same time. His new role as Guru Pitka is a funnier Deepak Chopra. People, many of them rich and successful, come to this guru with their problems and issues and listen to his words of wisdom to try and make sense of their lives. When a Toronto Maple Leaf hockey player loses his wife, he also starts to lose his way on the rink and the team's owner, played by a stunning Jessica Alba turns to Guru Pitka to try and get the player's mind back in the game and his wife back in his life. 40 Year Old Virgin's Romany Malco is pretty good as the wounded player, but his nemesis, the goalie Jacques "Le Coq" Grande is played for big laughs by Justin Timberlake. His dancing alone is hysterical, especially the "Water Sprinkler."

Myers throws out about 100 double entendres and some miss and others hit big. The gross out humor is extra gross. But some of the best moments come in the broadcast booth of Hockey Night in Canada with Stephen Colbert as a recovering drug addict and of course, Myers' brilliant songs on the sitar. His version of "9 to 5" was an unexpected treat, especially with the Bollywood-style dancing maids. In fact, all the Bollywood scenes are winners. The success of Mike Myers is that you don't often get his comedy the first time, that's why repeat viewings help him gain success and increase his box office receipts. This character and movie might become another Austin Powers for him, or it could be another "So I Married an Axe Murderer", a funny movie that only his true fans appreciate. Be at Peace, Mariska Hargitay!

The Freditor

How to Comment on a Story in Fred's Blog

Apparently there is some confusion about how to comment on the various "No More Stinky Monkeys" Blogs. At the bottom of every story, there is a line that reads something like:

"Posted by The Freditor at 6:15PM 0 Comments" (and then a Letter symbol)

If you would like to send me a comment, you click on the Letter symbol and a page will come up.

Next to Friend's email address, put your email address and then in the comments field write whatever you want. If you WANT me to Post it into my Blog, just mention that at the top. Otherwise it will be just for my eyes. Thanks for reading my stuff and your continued support.

My birthday is one month from today, I've had 1300 hits so far, I'd love to get to 2,000 by my Bday.

The Freditor

The Chronicles of Narnia-Prince Caspian is better than the first one, but darker

* * * (out of 5)

I saw the first "Chronicles--The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" on video and remember enjoying it, but did not remember too much about it. So I had to catch up quick when I saw Prince Caspian, because the makers of this film assumed that people would remember what happened in the last one. I watch fantasy movies, but they've never been my favorite, even when I as a child, because I hate when a character relies on magic to get out of a sticky situation. For me the Star Wars series started going downhill when the Force became strong in Luke Skywalker. If a character can rely on something other than his brawn and his wits, my mind starts to check out. That goes for religious stories as well. Jesus magically increases the amount of fish, bread and wine at a wedding, ehh okay. But Jesus stops a band of idiots from stoning Mary Magdalene by talking them out of it, that's much cooler.

So a little girl with a bottle of little drops of bring-back-to-life juice doesn't grab me as much as Prince Caspian literally taking out the ground from beneath his foes. When the four Pevensie siblings from the first movie are brought back to Narnia in this movie, they are a year older in London time, but Narnia is 1,300 years older. All the good they accomplished in the first movie is for naught as the evil General Miraz has effectively killed off most of the woodland creatures we came to love. Now he is after the head of Prince Caspian, the rightful heir to the throne. With him dead, Miraz can become king.

Now the kids must reclaim their positions in this world and their armor and prepare to fight the human Telmarines, lead by Miraz. It won't be easy since they are far outnumbered. They could use a wizard like Gandalf to help with matters, but the great lion Aslan appears to be dead. So it is mostly left up to the growing egotist and oldest brother King Peter and the older and more charismatic Prince Caspian to hatch a plan. The humans are much less interesting in these films than the creatures. Well almost all the humans. Trumpkin the dwarf (Peter Dinklage) has a world-weary way about him that counters the high-spirited kids. But there is a great skunk, squirrel, bear and especially mouse who are both brave and funny and add tons of fun to some otherwise gloomy scenarios.

With Lord of the Rings, its most obvious comparison, there was a single storyline that carried you through all three movies. That ring had to reach Mordor or the world would be ruled by evil. You could say it was stretched out unnecessarily, but at least you knew that would be the finale. But with Narnia, there is no reason I see to make another movie. What more can be achieved? I understand I haven't read the books, but I didn't need to read any Star Wars books to know that the Evil Empire had to be destroyed. Darth Vader still lived after Star Wars and Han Solo had to be rescued after Empire. Narnia doesn't have an end game that is clear to the casual viewer. And after its meager box office returns it might not have a chance. Disney shot itself in the foot when it turned down the opportunity to make the Lord of the Rings trilogy and now it's making a series of films that few people seem to care about.

The Freditor

Kung Fu Panda is the best Jack Black comedy since School of Rock

* * * 1/2 (out of 5)

Unlike Pixar, Dreamworks Animation has been pretty hit and miss with its output. For every Shrek, there's a Shark Tale that makes you look at your watch. Kung Fu Panda works so well because its star, Jack Black, is a human cartoon. Sometimes that works great in his live action movies, but sometimes it gets in the way. When it seems you are working too hard for a laugh, you become Robin Williams and that's no longer a good thing.

But in animation, you can never overact. Ask Bugs Bunny, ask Daffy Duck. Black's character, the noodle-making Panda named Po is an underachieving, overweight bear who dreams of seeing others become the Dragon Warrior. When he is named the Dragon Warrior by a wise old turtle, everyone is as shocked as Po. Including his new master, the Yoda-like, Shifu (Dustin Hoffman).

What's funny about the story is that while all the kung fu masters make fun of him and his skills, he's the biggest guy in the room. If he ever lost his soft panda ways and took his training seriously, he'd be a scary bear to fight. But even scarier is Shifu's adopted snow leopard and now arch enemy, Tai Lung (Ian McShane from Deadwood). When word comes that Tai Lung might escape prison, everyone is scared including the kung fu masters. And they should be. There is nothing funny or cute about Tai Lung. There is one scene of him going crazy that made me think this movie shouldn't be viewed by anyone under 8.

Except for Hoffman's droll Shifu, the comedy almost strictly belongs to Po. The rest of the cast is a good one though. The five kung fu masters are Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, Jackie Chan, David Cross and Superbad's Seth Rogen. Let me take that back. Rogen's preying Mantis is pretty funny in his own right.

The animators obviously have a great love for martial arts movies, because the fight scenes are well choreographed and the training sessions conjure up images of great saturday afternoon Channel 5 Drive-In Movies like Master Killer. Definitely an animated film that any adult should be happy to see without kids.

The Freditor

Movie with the funniest trailer

Step Brothers with Will Ferrell.

Step Brothers (2008)

The Freditor

You Don't Mess With the Zohan-Sandler has way of making vegetables taste like dessert

* * * * (out of 5)

Drove over to Astoria, to the Kaufman Regal Cinemas because it has free parking on the roof. As I drove up for the 10AM show, the free parking-metered spots were all open so I parked across the street at 9:58. Something happened then that doesn't happen too often anymore. A great song, in fact my favorite song from this artist, was playing on the radio and I had to decide--should I turn the engine off and go inside, or wait to hear the end and miss some trailers? I turned it off, but it stung like removing a Band-Aid.

As it happens that singer is the surprise guest star of this latest Adam Sandler movie. Sandler always gets huge stars for his films, but this person was a shocker. And funny, too. There is a second great musician in the movie as well, who is even funnier, but not as big a star.

Adam Sandler's movies never catch me in the previews or commercials. I go strictly on reputation. He has never produced a commercial bomb and I have never been disappointed by any of his performances. In Zohan, he may have taken a bigger leap than ever. Finding the comedy in the Israeli/Palestinian troubles is a hard job, but to make it a live-action cartoon takes major balls. By comparison, I can't imagine a comedy about the IRA.

But Sandler has the clout and he has the right guys to help him take on the job. His co-writers: the new king of comedies Judd Apatow and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's voice, Robert Smigel. His director is one of the most unsung and yet most successful directors in Hollywood, Dennis Dugan. And once again his cast makes another great lineup.

Sandler plays Zohan, a member of the elite Israeli agency, the Mossad, and a terrorist-killing machine. Capable of incredible feats, like swimming like a dolphin, or jumping from roof to street like an acrobat on steroids. His hackey-sack skills are no less impressive. (Watch for the catty-sack game he plays with a fellow Israeli.) But what he likes best is Disco-dancing. Disco is apparently huge in Israel and he does it any chance he gets. His allure turns on the sexy ladies on the Israeli beaches. But his fun is cut short when he must go back to fighting his arch nemesis, The Phantom, played with hysterical zeal by Sandler regular, John Turturro. He plays the phantom like a Palestinian Hugh Hefner, who also happens to be a killing machine.

Zohan wants to quit the Mossad business and become a hairdresser for his hero Paul Mitchell. So he stows away in the animal compartment on a flight to New York and makes friends fast. How? Well, Zohan has a huge package which is prominent in all the pants he wears and no woman can apparently be too old or too fat to turn him on. His attempts at sex with a really old Mrs. Garrett (from Facts of Life) are very funny.

The movie is immensely silly from the beginning, but didn't really grab me until Zohan reaches America. Once he starts cutting hair, the movie gets into gear and the laughing tears started running down my face. It doesn't happen often, but there were times when I was coughing and gagging from laughter. The scene with Sandler regular Henry Winkler drew applause. The cast is top notch--Lainie Kazan, Ido Mosseri, Rob Schneider, Michael Buffer (yes, the Rumble Guy in a Donald Trump type role), Ernie from My Three Sons, and Shelly Berman (the crazy judge from Boston Legal). I'm leaving out some other names, because they make a nice surprise.

Movies about the Middle East have been box office poison since 9/11, but like his movie about gay people last year, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007), Sandler has a way of introducing tough topics to a huge audience and making their vegetables taste like dessert. Sometimes laughter is the best way to learn.


The Freditor

Hot Rod--Up and comer Danny McBride steals the show as Rico the ramp builder

Danny McBride

* * * (out of 5)

The book should have been titled, "Men Like Three Stooges, Women Can't Stand Them."

I told my friend Big Tom at work that if he wants to watch a really funny, but stupid movie he should get Hot Rod. Based on my recommendation he asked to borrow my copy before I sent it back to Netflix. What I failed to tell him was not to watch it with his wife. Not because of any porno, it's fine for any boy 8 and older to watch, it's just that it is filled with tons of funny, but stupid slapstick that women just don't generally care for.

Now maybe there are women who love Three Stooges out there, but I just haven't met one. I don't even love the Three Stooges. I like them, especially Curly and Larry Fine, but I couldn't watch them for more than an hour. Remember when they used to have marathons of them on Channel 11. That was too much for me. But for people like my wife, who has a great sense of humor, even 1 minute is too long.

That's how Hot Rod is. And the next day, Big Tom told me his wife said that I can keep my movies. Talk about being tarred with a wrong brush. I'm not the great defender of movies like Hot Rod, but when friends I trust tell me to check it out, I will. My boy Harry had me on the phone 20 minutes while I was in a Staples giving me highlights from this movie. He also has a great sense of humor, but he described it perfectly. Like a really dumb Will Ferrell movie. I'm sold.

Apparently it was written for Ferrell, but he turned it down and it went to the next generation of Saturday Night Live star, Andy Samburg. Samburg has been making some great SNL videos the last couple of years, like the rap video for the Chronic of Narnia Hulu - SNL Digital Short: Lazy Sunday: Saturday Night Live , Dick in a Box (with Justin Timberlake) Hulu - Dick in a Box (Uncensored): Saturday Night Live and this year's hysterical Andy's Dad Hulu - Digital Short: Andy's Dad: Saturday Night Live.

Samburg plays a wannabe stuntman, Rod Kimble, who looks to challenge the memory of the great Evel Knievel with his broken down moped. He attempts to jump an old mail truck before the credits roll and the hilarity takes off from there.

Based on commercials I didn't think Samburg was ready to jump to the big leagues. But I'm sort of wrong. He co-wrote this movie and it has some funny moments with him, but the best stuff is definitely when he's doing a stunt or getting into some physical altercation. Unfortunately, when he goes for more verbal funniness it can have the cringing effect of Chevy Chase. On the other hand, there are some unsung treasures here. His SNL co-star, Bill Hader, is emerging big time as a great sidekick. He was very funny as the nerdier cop in last year's Superbad and here he plays a white trash redneck with pizzazz. Deadwood's Swearingen, Ian McShane, plays Rod's stepfather, a miserable tyrant who deserves a good beating, but only after he gets his heart transplant. And finally, the newest face on the block. A true star about to burst on the scene, Danny McBride.

McBride plays Rico the ramp builder. He's one of Rod's "crew" and is all times funny. He has a pent-up good ol' boy anger in him that makes you laugh for little reason. At one point, while Rod is "training" he rolls down the hill on one of those street luge boards and crashes with deadly power into the side of a house trailer parked in a driveway. When the owner comes out to complain, Rico starts beating the man in a heartbeat, first with his feet and hands and then with a pole and then a trash bin all the while screaming things like, "unlucky for you, I went to church this Sunday so I've got the demons coming out of me!" You want Rico on your side. Can't wait to see him in a Triple Play this summer of Pineapple Express (2008); The Foot Fist Way (2006); and finally, Tropic Thunder (2008). He's supposed to be great in all of them.

Oh, and make sure you watch the entire fight scene at the end of this movie, it might be the funniest of its type I've ever seen. Like a John Wayne barroom brawl on crack.

The Freditor